Hallelujah
by tym4change
Summary: Songfic, oneshot. Written to the John Cale version of "Hallelujah."


**Hallelujah**

_Well, this is my first Sirius/Remus fic and first songfic; I hope I did the pairing and the song justice._

_This was part of a challenge my friend music596 and I decided to do; we both wrote this song, putting our OTPs in the lead roles (The link to hers is:_ _, pm one or both of us and tell us what you think and whose you liked better; we'll be sure to share with each other). And I hope she's okay with me saying this (we never quite talked about this, but I'll change it if she isn't), feel free to join the party; use the song and I'll link to you in the note at the bottom. We used the John Cale version (most versions have slightly different lyrics).__.net/s/6392322/1/Hallelujah_

_Warnings: none really. But if you're not okay with boy/boy pairings (there's nothing explicit, but still), then this may not be the fic for you._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or its affiliated characters, nor do I own the song._

_Oh, and italics signals flashback (most of the story) and bold signifies lyrics._

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Remus Lupin couldn't believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing. He had been _promised_…

'The bastard.' He thought to himself, immediately cringing and regretting it. Of course he didn't mean it; he was simply upset. With the circumstances, that was certainly understandable…Attempting to stop thinking, he reclined in the hard plastic chair and listened to the words that would never do the situation justice; there wasn't anything that ever could. He sighed inwardly and began to look at the pictures all around, again regretting his choice of action as he felt a pang of something like jealousy heavy in his chest.

'How much longer do I have to endure this torture?' He asked silently, self-pityingly. Finally, attempting to drown out everyone else and their careful nonchalance, he allowed himself to remember…

**I heard there was a secret chord**

**That David played, and it pleased the Lord,**

**But you don't really care for music, do you?**

_When had it all started? The furthest back Remus could pinpoint was when Sirius Black, excitable as always, bounded into the den, sporting a shiny, new electric guitar._

"_Moony, Moony, Moony, look what I got!" Sirius came to a screeching halt in front of the chair where Remus had been reading peacefully not a moment before._

_Remus, keeping his book open on his lap, looked up to find his vision blocked by something large being shoved in his face. Pushing it back, he remarked, "Do you even know how to play that thing? It's a muggle instrument."_

_Sirius, undeterred by his friend's nonchalance, replied, "I discovered these in one of my many rebellions. I kind of taught myself, but I think I'm pretty good! Well, then my mom destroyed my first one…so when I saw this, I knew it was perfect!" He paused, obviously waiting for some newfound excitement from the other boy, which he didn't find. "Oh right, you never really discovered how great music can be! Here, I'll show you!"_

**It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth,**

**The minor fall, the major lift, **

**The baffled king composing hallelujah.**

_Sirius began giving Remus lessons almost immediately. They'd sit, sometimes in the living room of their shared apartment, sometimes on the roof, one of their favorite haunts, as each boy painstakingly tried not to rip his own hair out in frustration much of the time. But even through Remus's protestations, he had to admit he was really learning something and having fun doing it._

_It certainly didn't hurt that Sirius was the one teaching him._

**Your faith was strong, but you needed proof.**

**You saw her bathing on the roof;**

**Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you.**

_Remus was having one of _those_ days. It also didn't help that the moon was nearly full, with merely a sliver missing. The next night, he would become something he hated._

_In an attempt to escape his melancholy thoughts, Remus retreated to the roof, smiling as soon as the fresh air hit his face. That smile was not long-lived, though; he heard a decidedly feminine giggle and moved to check it out._

_Around the corner of a large barrier on the roof, Remus found Sirius, a girl in his arms, soaking in a newly conjured hot tub. Naked. The moon lit up the features of the two people, and Remus gasped. He had heard about this girl. He didn't know her name, but he did know that she had been dating Sirius for nearly two weeks now, a monumental amount of time where Sirius's relationships were concerned. Not only that, but she was strikingly beautiful. Remus didn't have to memorize or even take note of the girl's features to realize this._

_With a heavy heart and a pressure in his eyes that Remus somehow managed to attribute to the large moon, he turned and found himself back in the apartment in no time._

**She tied you to a kitchen chair.**

**She broke your throne; she cut your hair.**

**And from your lips she drew the hallelujah.**

_The girl lasted much longer than any others had. She even managed to convince Sirius to cut his long locks. Of course, Remus knew she had used sex to persuade him, as Sirius felt the need to tell him _everything_. But he didn't understand how some girl, no matter how nice she seemed, could flounce into their lives and change one of Remus's favorite parts about his friend. It was not fair._

**Baby I've been here before;**

**I know this room, I've walked this floor.**

**I used to live alone before I knew you.**

_The girl actually moved into the apartment before long. Remus, unable to stand the sounds coming from Sirius's room most nights and the loving looks the two shared, decided that it was time for him to move on and move out._

_It was a very tense day, as Remus hadn't exactly explained why he was leaving other than "I need a change in scenery." Sirius saw him off with a final "I don't know why you're leaving, but you're always welcome back here."_

_Remus, without many other options on his limited funds, moved back into the house of his childhood. He even had the same room as before. That was where he took to pacing._

**I've seen your flag on the marble arch.**

**Love is not a victory march;**

**It's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah.**

_Remus was happy to be able to get away from the _happy couple_, but there was no avoiding James's and Lily's housewarming party, and as was customary at any party hosted by twenty-year-olds, the alcohol flowed freely. Remus quickly lost his inhibitions, ending up screaming at Sirius, who was seated in the corner, snuggling and __snogging__ the girl._

"_We get it; you're in love! Good for you! When will we be hearing more wedding bells? Maybe you'll announce a baby soon enough? I'm glad I moved out when I did; you wanted your alone time but were too nice to kick me out! You know, there's no need to parade it all in my face!" The silence seemed to last forever before Remus realized exactly what he had said. "I mean…our faces, the single guys. Peter is single too! I bet he hates it!"_

_Before anyone could comment upon what he had said, Remus was gone, out the door and disapparated, thankfully without splinching himself, and he wasn't heard from for five days._

**There was a time when you let me know**

**What's really going on below,**

**But now you never show it to me, do you?**

_Once Remus had returned, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened, he heard the news of Sirius's break up. But when pestered, the dark-haired boy wouldn't discuss why or what had happened. One day, Remus, ready to crack as always around that time of the month, lost it._

"_Goddammit, Sirius! What is going on? You told me everything and anything you could come up with less than a week ago, but you suddenly shut me out now. What happened between you and…" He probably should have made an attempt to learn her name, "the girl?"_

"_You want to know? Fine! After your little speech five days ago, I asked her to move out, told her we were through, but I wouldn't tell her why. I dumped her because…because I realized that she was driving a wedge between us and decided that she's not worth it. I like you more!" Sirius paused to take a breath but never finished, due to the pair of lips suddenly glued to his own._

**Remember when I moved in you**

**The holy dove was moving too,**

**And every breath we drew was hallelujah.**

_That night was not full of frenzied, passionate coupling. In fact, there was no sex for almost a month, until Remus decided that he really wasn't dreaming, and that this truly wasn't a prank._

_Once the two boys did come together, in both senses of the word, it was unlike any other time Remus had. Instead of the sloppy kisses and hard, sometimes even painful partnering, it was gentle caresses, sweet kisses, and for the first time, Remus was given the option to top, should he so desire. The night was perfect, almost such that he could forget every bad thing that had happened thus far; he was in love._

**Maybe there's a god above,**

**And all I ever learned from love**

**Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.**

_But soon, too soon, Sirius was sent to Azkaban, and Remus found himself attending the funerals for three different wizards, three of his best friends, in a short period of time._

_Remus learned to be cold, to not give a damn where anyone else was concerned. He bad-mouthed Sirius and anyone who dared believe that he was innocent in the slightest. Remus should have seen it coming; how often had he remarked to himself that Sirius was too good for him, too good to be true? He assumed he deserved this, to be alone. He was a werewolf, after all; werewolves aren't supposed to be happy._

**It's not a cry you can hear at night;**

**It's not somebody who's seen the light.**

**It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.**

_Remus had dreams, bad dreams. He had dreams from which he awoke yelling, drenched in a cold sweat, and wondering why it hadn't been he who was killed. James and Lily had deserved to live, and, twisted as it sounded, Remus believed that Sirius was a good man who didn't deserve this cruelty._

_Listening to himself going on about Sirius, he realized that love was not a good thing. Love deluded those who believed they had found it; love turned a sucker out of everyone. Love only sufficed to hurt, in the end. He would never believe in love again._

**Hallelujah**

_Sirius had come back, professing to be an innocent man, and Remus had forgotten all about his promise to himself._

**Hallelujah**

_They spent every possible minute together, making up for lost time._

**Hallelujah**

_Moony had Padfoot once more to prevent the wolf from self-harm during the full moon._

**Hallelujah**

_Remus was again the happiest he'd ever been._

**Hallelujah**

The sermon was over, and everyone began to shuffle out, knowing better than to fix Remus with pitying looks.

**Hallelujah**

He no longer had to worry about others seeing the few tears of tears that escaped as he walked up and committed to memory every picture of Sirius that sat on the tables all around.

**Hallelujah**

Remus found that, with even a couple of bottles of fairly cheap whiskey, he could drink himself into oblivion.

This time, he wouldn't forget about his promise.

**Hallelujah.**

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What do you say? Review? Check out Music596's version? Try your hand at it? Let me know!


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